Host Club Revolution!
by Soubi-chan I am Immortal
Summary: A new school year begins at Ouran Academy. But what's this? Will the Hitachin Twins be dethroned by the Rebel and the Prince?   RxR this collaboration between pen-names: QuicksilverWitch and xxlostdreamerxx
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:****THIS STORY IS HEREBY DECLARED A "FANFICTION." AS SUCH, WE TWO AUTHORS HAVE NO RIGHTS TO OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB OR THE SEVERAL MEDIA REFERENCES MADE FORTHWITH, AND INSTEAD STATE THEY ARE COPYRIGHT BISCO HATORI, FUNIMATION, AND ALL OTHER SUBSIDIES RESPECTFULLY.**

**Kai:** (Google Search Kai the GazettE link is not working)

**Utena** is a tomboyish, courageous and naïve character who lives to emulate the idealized prince figure from her childhood. She is forthright, honest, and friendly. Nearly all the girls in school idolize her. She both subverts and conforms to the stereotypes she embodies as a noble warrior and a naive magical girl in danger of becoming a damsel in distress. The series chronicles her journey to protect her friend Anthy and become a truly noble Prince. Her Dueling Rose is white.

**Otaku****-**is a Japanese term used to refer to people with obsessive interests, particularly anime, manga, or video games.

**Sugoi na****-** "Cool no?"

**Gomen****- **Sorry

**Tono****-**chief instructor

**Authors Notes:**

"_Hiiiii! This is Sicone! But here I'll be known as various other names due to the ingenious mind of Kaya-chan!" *drags QuicksilverWitch on to scene* "SAY HII!"_

_*eyes crowd nervously* "Um, Hi! I don't usually partner in fic writing, but the infamous "They" always say to try something new because fun times can be had! Speaking of which, look below! See that smexy chapter? FUN TIMES TO BE HAD! (LEGAL fun times, that is!) All thanks to the brilliant mind of my darling Hisako-chan, i.e. Sicone." *glomp*_

"_Aww, you're far too kind!" *bows, falls over from glomp* "Now with the power of my nonexistent geass, I Hisako-chan command you to READ AND REVIEW…please?" *tempts with cookie* "You know you want to…."_

"…_because they're thumb cookies and have assorted jams and chocolates in the center! YAY!"_

**Until next time! **

(BREAK)

**Chapter One**

**And so, the rivalry begins! **

He hadn't thought a thing of it when they first started; they _were _the Hitachin Twins, after all, and as everyone knew, prone to dramatics as much as Tamaki was.

So when they burst into outraged and angry babbling to the monotonous and tired Haruhi as she sipped tea across from Hani and Mori, he thought nothing of it.

That was, until Tamaki stepped in, and a new door was opened.

"SO BE IT! THE KIAN TWINS WILL COMPETE WITH OUR OWN HITACHIN TWINS FOR SIBLING LOVE SUPREMACY!"

Dread curled in Kyoya's stomach as he stiffly turned his head to the left, the light catching on his glasses and hiding his irritated gaze.

_Damnit, what the hell is that baka thinking of now?_

**A few hours earlier…**

"_Those with the wherewithal—first, in social standing, and second, in money—spend their time here at the private Ouran Academy. As such, Ouran Host Club is where handsome boys with too much time on their hands entertain and charm girls, who also have too much time on their hands. It is the school's own personal, elegant playground for the super rich."—Suoh Tamaki, "Starting Today, You are a Host!"_

Ouran Academy is one of the many upscale gardens where the rich flowers blossom into the elite society from whence they came. However, among this glamorous population are but a few that have simplicity to their name, who have been given the once in a lifetime chance to grow in this fertile land and bask in uncensored knowledge. New twins now write their names on the roster and embark on a journey to success and surprise, oblivious to the reality that lies within their latest school's 'hallowed' halls.

Two bewildered pairs of translucent Persian blue eyes surveyed their new watering hole. What a grand ol' watering hole it was, with it's crystal chandeliers and rococo architecture, filled to the brim with puffy canary yellow clouds and sky blue plumage.

As a flock of yellow organdy fluttered past them, their white ruffled underskirts wafting in the breeze, (was that a feather they just dropped?), one pair of blue eyes began to twitch with disquiet, sliding to view its twin pair in discontent.

"Why am I here again?" A soft yet firm female voice spoke with a barely hidden tone of annoyance.

A soft chuckle came from her male counterpart, one of his hands running through his slightly tousled hair. The laughter caught the ear of a canary cloud as she passed by, making her turn to the two and gasp in delight at the handsome pair. As if a battle cry, the gasp claimed the attention of the females around her. Soon a crowd appeared and gave birth to awed whispers as even more girls took in the beauty before them.

"Oh my, what dashing prince!" One swooned.

"He looks just like Kai from the GazettE!" A quiet girl squealed as she magically produced a life size poster of the drummer from the famous band.

All the girls nearby crowded and began to compare, and came to agree that his burnt sienna hair glimmered like caramel in the light that poured from the window beside him. His posture and gaze exuded something similar to Morinozuka-sempai's 'Dark Horse' persona. His eyes were set perfectly on his head, a long slender nose that lead down to his casually smirking lips. His clothing, though not the traditional uniform, was formal and clung lightly to his torso, teasing their minds with hints of a defined build. Hearts pounded in the eyes and chests of the crowd as they gazed on. A chorus of squeals began to fill the air. One student, not fully rendered incapacitated by the bishie before her, flipped open her cell phone to dial Renge's number and report the Mori clone.

"Why's that school bag floating beside him?"

The girls all peered and tilted to see none other than a girl doppelganger of the rocker male before them. A more delicate yet petite form, her gentle curves were clad in a blue fitted blazer that ended a few inches past her waist and gave way to ebony shorts. The girls gaped at this new female's tenacity to dress in such a manner.

Meanwhile, the young girl in question frowned at the rise in the growing chatter of the waiting crowd on the floor above, her soft pink lips settled in a light pout. A sighed escaped them as she flipped some of her locks over her shoulder and slumped in defeat.

"Eh? Is that girl dressed like Utena?" Renge gasped, Opera glasses perched in front of her eyes as her ever-mysterious electric pedestal whirled to a halt above the crowd.

Rolling their eyes, the Hitachin Twins stared at the Otaku in irritation as she called their adoring fans from their side to a sight unseen.

"Excuse us, coming through," they chorused as they pushed through the crowd.

Frowning when all of the girls were too enamored of what they were looking at, (which they STILL couldn't see! Blast the damn wall of yellow!), to let them through, they forcibly muscled their way in, stopping when they saw a familiar head of brown hair also watching the scene.

"Haruhi! What the heck is going on?" Hikaru demanded as he wrapped an arm around "his" waist.

"Yeah, everyone seems so fascinated by whatever the heck is going on over there; they completely ignored us!" Kaoru pouted anxiously.

"Oh, don't worry, Kaoru! I will ALWAYS pay attention to YOU," Hikaru spoke passionately, expecting the surrounding audience to react, but getting none of the usual reactions to their Twincest act.

Haruhi twitched tetchily, "Look, could you stop that for a sec? If you look over there, you can see why they're not going for your usual shenanigans. Heck, I'd even say you've got competition!" she said slyly.

Twin pairs of amber eyes narrowed as they turned and watched the newest Freshman, another set of twins, a boy and a girl, chattering back and forth as they ascended the grand staircase, right toward Renge and more crowds of gossiping fans and flames of Moe.

Alas, their reluctant serendipity was not to be as Keiko's head became one with Renge's electric pedestal, forcing her to wince and stumble backwards.

"Tch, so amateur," Hikaru muttered under his breath, eyes twitching in irritation and jealousy as Kaoru leaned in to him, sure their actions were merely mimicry of his and his brother's usual behavior.

"KEIKO!" Kaien shouted, his baritone piercing the hearts of the crowd.

Dashing forward, he caught her wrist just as she arched back over the staircase they had just walked up, pulling her into his chest protectively, saving her from a precarious and potentially deadly fall. The sea of girls gasped softly, a small wave of relief washing over them as he saved her but a slight tension in the air had them all holding their breath in anticipation.

"Watch where you're going stupid!" He scolded softly as he brushed her bangs aside to inspect the wounded area.

"I'm fine Kaien…you don't have to….." She winced lightly as his fingers lightly brushed the slowly arising bruise.

A soft sigh escaped him and he gently leaned down, his lips lightly grazing the area in a gentle kiss. Heat lightly blazed in the cheeks of the spectators as a light blush painted itself across Keiko's cheeks and she turned away slightly.

"I do…I worry about you." He says coolly, smiling in a loving manner.

The girls all fawned in ecstasy, squirming with delight as Keiko sighed lightly and hugged him back.

"You're lucky I love you." She huffed.

(Elsewhere, the Moe Meter went off the charts, it's mercury shooting through the roof.)

"EH! THE HECK!" the Hitachin twins shouted in unison, outraged pouts on their faces. Beside them, Haruhi restrained a smile, slightly relieved that the brother had caught his sister.

Off to their right, several girls fainted as Renge sobbed apologetically, using her remote to retire her much abused pedestal, now an almost accessory to murder.

"Are you NUTS!" Kaien demanded as her shot Renge a venomous look, "you almost killed my twin sister! What the hell!"

"I—I didn't mean t-to…" she sobbed, her brown eyes filled with tears of remorse as she slumped to the floor in shame.

"What do you mean you DIDN'T MEAN to? You freakin' summoned a bloody pillar of doom out nowhere! Who the hell does that? Are you insane? Did you NOT see us walking up here? So sorry we don't try and look for vicious pedestals rising from the floor spontaneously like a crappy video game!" He scolded and before he could continue, a firm hand smacked against the back of his head and cut him off.

"Oi! You shouldn't yell at a girl like that you baka! I'm sure it was an accident," Keiko reprimanded him harshly even as she bestowed Renge with a gentle smile. Extending a hand to the distraught, tear stricken damsel slumped on the floor, Keiko spoke in a gentle, princely voice, "Don't mind him…he can be a bit bullheaded when it comes to keeping me safe," She added with an eye-roll.

Renge's expression immediately became alight with wonder and awe as she gazed upon this princely maiden. "You…you…" she spoke in a tremulous voice.

"Yes?" Keiko asked with a raised brow.

"YOU'RE SUCH A PRINCELY MAIDEN! LIKE THE AMAZING UTENA!" she cried out, hugging the girl's legs and almost knocking her over again.

Shaking themselves out of the stupor caused by the spectacle, the Hitachins, unable to take their rivals act any longer, strode forward confidently.

"Oi, Otaku, are you TRYING to kill her? This is the second time you've nearly knocked her over!" they spoke in their usual coupled cool voice.

"Eh? AH! Gomen, gomen!" Renge said, tears filling her eyes once again as she leapt to her feet and ran into the crowd.

Keiko huffed in irritation as she faced the twins. "Hey, do you always treat girls so callously? It was just an accident!"

The gaggle of girls leaned forward as the 'princely maiden' challenged the twins for the first in a long time; they eager hung onto her every word.

"Meh, you don't know that Otaku like we do," Hikaru protested, leaning against Kaoru.

"Hai; in fact, you don't know us, the Hitachin twins, like they do," Kaoru added, leaning into his brother's embrace.

Kaien came to stand beside his sister. "Um, 'they' who?"

"He questioned the Hitachin twins!"

"Sugoi na?"

Both twins frowned in annoyance, "Them as in the crowd! Who do you think you are trying to impress? That staged two-bit performance was hardly worth a laugh!" Hikaru scoffed snobbishly.

Before a retort could pass their lips, the scent of roses wafted in the air and a deep grand voice resonated:

"STOP!"

Everyone turned to the source and the girls cheered together as their reigning blonde king stepped forth on to the battlefield.

"It is quite disrespectful to bicker in front of these darling young maidens like this! We must compose ourselves like gentlemen, and handle this with grand manners that the royals that once ruled this world would be envious of!" He instructed, waving his arms about in exaggerated yet graceful gestures, all fluidly moving like a beautifully orchestrated ballet. Keiko looked up at him with a raised brow before turning to her brother who looked to her as well.

"Gentlemen…? I'm a girl," she mumbled under her breath as she looked down at herself. "I'm not THAT flat chested…I mean yeah, smaller than most girls but seriously?" She mused as Tamaki went off on his lesson of etiquette. She looked back to their self-offered instructor and felt the onset of a vicious migraine brewing.

"And further more—" He started but was cut off with a comment from Keiko that made him freeze.

"Obnoxious," She stated flatly, no ill intent at all.

"Welcome to my world," Haruhi droned from behind her making Keiko snort.

A horrified gasp echoed throughout the halls.

"Haruuuuhiiiii, why did you cut me off like that?" He whined childishly, outraged that after everything they'd been through, she still thought him to be such a pain. "What has Daddy done to upset you my darling daughter?"

"One; you're STILL not my Dad, and two, don't pin this on me, I didn't say anything," She replied exasperatedly, causing Tamaki to look at Keiko properly for the first time.

"You're not a guy…are you?" He asked, not wanting to be wrong a second time in his life; there were already enough mishaps with gender around here!

A teacher noticed the brewing ruckus and came to see what was going on.

"Should not you all be heading to your respective classrooms? This lollygagging will not be tolerated," he firmly stated, glancing over the crowd before having a double take at Keiko. "W-what on Earth are you WEARING?" He gaped, causing Keiko to look her clothing over and revealing shorts to the teacher's relief.

Before the teacher could say more, Tamaki stepped in. "Actually sir, there is nothing in the school handbook that states she cannot wear the boys uniform-though tailored to her liking. And since she is on scholarship, well, sir, it means—um, sir? Sir!" Tamaki gaped as the teacher keeled over sideways, hand pressed to his nose to staunch the blood flow from his nostrils.

"N-never m-mind, Suoh-sama. Everyone, off to your classes! Immediately! And no, I don't need help getting to the hospital wing! Nope!" he said hurriedly as he crab walked away from the crowd.

"Are we in the right place?" Kaien asked Haruhi, all these events causing him to rethink this place as the esteemed Ouran Academy to help them excel in their academia.

"Yup; welcome to Ouran Academy. Playground for the rich bastards. You're the Kian twins, right? Dad mentioned suggesting you apply for this school's scholarship."

"EH? You're Fujioka Haruhi?" he mumbled in surprise, taking on her rather masculine haircut and uniform.

"But aren't you—oh! I get it!" he said brightly, pounding his fist into his palm as he nodded in perceived understanding. "You're a tranny like your Dad!"

Haruhi eyed him in horror. "NO. I am most certainly NOT a transvestite like my Dad, thankyouverymuch."

"Then what's with the boy get up?"

"What's with your sister's boy get up?"

"Too many Utena and Josei manga."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

Meanwhile, Keiko smiled (what was soon becoming her princely smile to the fangirls) and nodded at Tamaki.

"Thanks for helping Suoh-sama," she spoke respectfully, causing the few remaining canaries to coo in delight.

"Oh but of course hime," He smiled gently and grabbed the back of her hand to place a gentle kiss on.

She blushed softly and stuttered a bit, not used to a man giving such cordial behavior to her. The Hitachin twins fumed behind their lord, furious of the change in the tide.

"Tono, we have to get to class," they snapped bluntly, dragging Haruhi away from Kaien to their classroom. Kaien merely watched, unsure of what to do with the odd kidnapping.

"Oi, come back here with my daughter!" Tamaki bellowed and ran off after the hijackers.

Keiko laughed lightly and combed some of her hair away.

"Shall we head to our class Kaien?" She asked, gaining a nod from her twin and they walked off with a small flock tailing them throughout the day to report to Renge.

**A few hours later…**

"SO BE IT! THE KIAN TWINS WILL COMPETE WITH OUR OWN HITACHIN TWINS FOR SIBLING LOVE SUPREMACY!"


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER:THIS STORY IS HEREBY DECLARED A "FANFICTION." AS SUCH, WE TWO AUTHORS HAVE NO RIGHTS TO OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB OR THE SEVERAL MEDIA REFERENCES MADE FORTHWITH, AND INSTEAD STATE THEY ARE COPYRIGHT BISCO HATORI, FUNIMATION, AND ALL OTHER SUBSIDIES RESPECTFULLY.**

**Authors Notes:**

"_Guess what all our adoring fans…we're back!" *throws confetti* "Sorry about the delays, our personal lives have just so utterly hectic! Well I hope you all enjoy!" *waves with Kaya-chan*_

_"Indeed! With baited breath, crossed fingers, toes, arms, and eyes, we await your reviews! (See that button at the end of the fic? PRESS LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!) ."  
_

**Until next time!**

(BREAK)

**Chapter Two**

**Project Twincest!**

Although he'd been born into a preeminent, prestigious, practical family, there were days when Kyouya would suddenly receive a feeling or a warning that mentally hollered "DANGER, DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE!" Hearing Tamaki and the Twins gushing over their latest idea was one such event. Feeling his neck hairs raise and fighting off the urge to smooth them down, Kyouya shook his head and resumed his typing on his laptop, opening up a new file entitled "Sibling Stupidity Supremacy Event." As Kyoya typed away as usual on his laptop in silence, Tamaki cleared his throat and waltzed up to his companion, his hand set on the shoulder of the scholarly mastermind.

"We shall stage a plan to capture this new duo! We will need costumes, disguises, and quick wit!" He listed, knowing that his trusty vice-president was taking note. "Any ideas?"

"Maybe a Host Club demonstration, Tono?" Hikaru purred as he pulled a suddenly reluctant Kaoru into an intimate embrace.

"Oh, Hikaru, treat me gently!"

"Why should I, Kaoru, when I know you like it rough?"

"Oh HIKARU!"

From his corner of the room, Kyouya felt a twitch develop under his left eye as the planning begun.

"That idea," Tamaki began, having fallen silent for some time while the two had bantered on in their usual escapade. Everyone had turned to him, even Kyouya who would normally ignore the effervescent blonde. "Is simply BRILLIANT! We can have a contest on which two are the masters of the forbidden lovers act!"

He beamed proudly of the new found plan. "We can have someone lure them to our trap! But how shall we test such art?" He sighed dramatically and Hunny thought for a bit as he munched on his piece of cake while seated with his cousin.

"Why don't we fake that there is an audition for a school play? Or a presentation the Host Club is going to present to the women, ne?" Hunny chirped.

"I'm not sure that would work, Hunny-sempai," Haruhi frowned as she placed her teacup back on the coffee table in front of her and Mori. "Kaien is not much of a theater buff, and Keiko isn't much of one either, I think. Although," she said thoughtfully, "if we promise prizes for such a competition that are worth it to them, they may participate."

Kyouya froze momentarily in his typing of the plans.

_Oh Haruhi_, he thought to himself, _you traitor._

In his mind, the image of the Twins and Tamaki wearing Sith robes and brandishing cookies filled his mind.

"Come to the Dark side, young Padawan," they challenged the Jedi-dressed Haruhi.

"We have cookies—"

"And cake!" a mysteriously appearing Hunny-sempai cheered, brandishing a plate of his much beloved strawberry short cake.

Shaking his head, he returned to listening in on the conversation.

"Baiting them hmm? My, my, we've really rubbed off on you." Hikaru cooed to her as he slung his arm about her shoulders and leaned lightly on her.

Tamaki scowled at the fiery twin mentally though he was mainly concerned with the ploy. Hunny sniffled when his idea was shot down and Mori merely handed him more cake, which instantly cheered the sweet monster instantly.

"She has a point though. We must find what interests them and like cute little mice, we lure them into our trap with the sweet treat." He mused aloud and turned to his right hand man. "Kyouya, you can do that right?" He asked smiling, but there was more of a statement tone than a question.

Kyouya pursed his lips and merely lifted his head to regard his foolish friend with a droll look. "As they are companions of Haruhi's youth as well as her father's friend's children, I made it my business to know who they were. According to their records, Kaien is fond of karate, sports, playing drums, sleeping, teasing his sister, and playing video games." He stated as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and titled his head back. _Oh rapture, another otaku_, he thought sarcastically but pushed forth. "As for his sister," he said, changing the page on his laptop. "She is in to similar things; difference is she is more into art, reading, music, cooking, anime, and manga." _What is the big deal with this pop culture phenomenon?_ He though dryly, but looked to the others. "Other information is of their physical, health, and personal subject preferences," he sighed.

"Hmm," Tamaki mumbled as he stroked his chin, pacing in front of the windows lining the west wall. "Perhaps if we offer a rare collection of novels and DVDs? Ah, but no, if we want this to seem genuine, we will need something to tempt not only commoners, but our wealthy participants as well! What about...ah ha! The latest edition of a video game yet to be published! Kyouya, quickly! Which games spark their interest?" He blonde demanded passionately.

"It doesn't say here," He said as his fingers skillfully worked over the keyboard that clacked continually. The others just sat and watched the master typist and information hub work his magic before finally stopping and looking at Tamaki. "They are big on what seems to be a famous RPG from a series known as 'Final Fantasy', the latest and yet to come out being XIII-2 for the PS3 gaming console. Aside from that, there is the American Halo, Kingdom Hearts, Devil May Cry series, and various others from handheld to full consoles." He stated.

_I'd ask how he got that information but I'm still afraid to find out_, Haruhi thought as she sipped her tea.

"Kingdom Hearts," Mori spoke up from beside Haruhi, attracting the entire Host Club's attention. He stared at them unflinchingly. "Kaien joined Kendo today at a few of his peers' insistence. He likes Roxas," he added helpfully, picking up a cookie.

For a moment, no one in the Host Club moved. Seconds later, the twins were hanging from Mori's neck cheering loudly that their "Dark Horse" wild type had sussed out their answer without knowing it, thus enabling their plan's success.

"This is it, Hikaru," Kaoru spoke in a high mocking voice to his brother. "Indeed, Kaoru," Hikaru replied in the same manner. "HITACHIN TWINS SHALL REIN SUPREME!"

"We will have to find out which of the games they have from this series, there are a few installments as well as special editions of a few and a remake of the handheld game for the PS2 console." Kyoya stated as bluntly as ever and Tamaki nodded his head lightly.

"He has the first, second, none of the special editions, the handheld one, and wants to get the rest. Which I believe is 'Birth By Sleep' he stated." Mori answered yet again, having spoken to Kaien in length since he was a skilled fighter.

"Well then, we shall see what we can get a hold of. Maybe make it a prize bundle? Big enough bait for an instant yes?" Tamaki suggested. "Or should it be more round by round?"

"Judging by prices, the special ones should be for the winners. But I doubt the twins would want such a game." Kyoya said as he glanced at the mediocre prices in his opinion. "A bundle would be an easy way to go."

"Ohh! Could we make the prizes different types? Like cake?" Hunny fantasized; his eyes bright with fervor.

Kyouya stroked his chin. "That might be a good idea, sempai. Haruhi, do you know some of their favorite foods?"

Haruhi scrunched her brow in thought. "Umm, Kaien likes soba dishes and Keiko has a weakness for almond crunch Pocky. Maybe...food coupons?"

"Ahh! To the finest restaurants in the city! Oooh, Kyouya, write that down! We should have a butler/maid competition act! Just think of it, Haruhi could participate too, in a frilly French maiden's costume!" Tamaki gushed wildly.

Within the impossible depths of his mind, the image of Haruhi in a French maid's uniform complete with curly pigtails emerged. "Master Tamaki," she cooed in his native French, "I will do ANYTHING to serve you, my master. ANYTHING!"

Kyouya rolled his eyes, knowing what Tamaki was thinking the moment the idea had come up but typed it in the list of skits they would have them do.

"Oh, oh! How about a race and we can have Keiko trip! See if Kaien catches her and carries her!" Hunny bubbled out, trying to be a romantic. Kyoya thought of it for a second and wondered if that would hurt them if done.

Mori shook his head lightly at the idea. "It isn't safe if we accidentally really do hurt her." He said kindly and Hunny nodded when that realization hit.

"We need to disguise the tests!" Tamaki stated, snapping out of his revere of romance with Haruhi.

"How about a bully scene? We can surely find someone to bully one of the two copycats." Hikaru stated dully, uninterested in the other two.

"That could work, get someone riled up and jealous if the two progress and have them pick on the girl." Kyoya stated, none too thrilled of this idea over all. There was no sight of profit for the club anywhere if the twins did, in fact, beat the Hitachiins.

"Tama-chan, Tama-chan, what if we asked Renge-chan to help us with the scripts?" Hunny asked, pulling on his kohai's trousers. "She's really good at coming up with ideas. Remember the bully scene she wanted me to do with Haru-chan?" he asked, shuddering for a minute when he remembered how the Otaku had made him act toward his cute female friend.

Tamaki's eyes lit up once again while the Twins backed away from him, clutching each other frantically. "HELL no, Tono!" they chorused, "If you even think-"

"-Of letting that crazy Otaku-"

"-Near us-"

"-WE WILL DEFENESTRATE YOU!" They thundered, making Tamaki squeak and hide in his mushroom mountain of solitude.

"Renge might be _slightly_ overbearing," Haruhi agreed, "but she IS a well known crowd pleaser; lots of the girls enjoy her cosplay parties."

Kyoya thought for a bit about the light haired brunette and her antics. _They could be helpful..._ He thought but then memories of the movie flashed in his mind and he stiffened greatly. "She's not going to be in the planning so there is no point for her to really be taken into consideration." He said bluntly, typing away at his laptop.

"I suppose," Haruhi grumbled; had Renge been allowed in, at least she would have gotten out of planning and had more time to study.

"Don't think you'll be getting out of this so easily, Haruhi," Tamaki said sternly, hands on hips as he stared down at her, "Don't think your Daddy doesn't know what you're trying to do! You WILL participate, or have you forgotten the little matter of your debt?"

"He's right, Haruhi," Hikaru purred as he and Kaoru enveloped her neck and shoulders from behind, "You're in this just like every other time!"

"But they're my friends!" she protested irritably, "and getting them to do this would be like putting fresh meat on their shoulders and telling them "Oh yeah, there're no lions in the Serengeti this time of year. A walk through there should e perfectly safe!'"

"We're fresh meat?" Hunny inquired innocently of Mori.

"Noooo, YOU are the lions!" Haruhi corrected.

"We're the lions? I don't like meat though." Hunny furrowed his eyebrows a bit as he concentrated on his half eaten piece of cake. "It's not as good as cake." Mori ruffled his hair lightly and handed him his bunny to cheer him up.

"She did not mean it literally." He stated.

Haruhi sighed heavily as the twins are swept up into the flurry of all that was being planned. Kyoya kept clacking away at the keys, Hunny munched on cake, and suddenly Tamaki took his throne and crossed his legs as a look of serious determination crossed his face.

"So, it is settled! Hikaru, Kaoru," he gestured grandly, "contact the hair dressers and the make-up departments of your mother's photography business at once! Mori, contact the costuming department, and Hunny, er...just, be you. Haruhi, go and convince our newbies! IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!"

Kyoya typed away the instructions for record but suddenly stopped and turned to their fearless and mostly shameless leader. _On like what?_

Hunny pouted in the corner but when more sweets were given, he did not mind half as much though. Mori nodded his head lightly, ran out of the room at break neck dark horse speed as the twins flipped open their cells, and contacted their mother.

"Don't you think this is a bit much, for something minor? I mean even for the Host Club standards?" Haruhi asked dryly, looking to Tamaki who looked like an actual king right now. She could not help but think the 'King of Stupidity' since that was when his regal attributes showed most.

The same time Haruhi cursed Tamaki for being the King of Thick town, Thickania, Kaien's iPod, set to shuffle mode, suddenly switched to the "Topsy Turvey" soundtrack, his favorite song from his secret favorite Disney movie from his childhood.

"And now it's time to crown the kiiinnnggg offfff foollllssss," he sang under his breath as he headed for the front doors.

Keiko had stopped at the words muttered by her brother, turning to him with a raised brow but an evil smirk on her lips.

"Are you listening to something special Kaien?" She cooed as she stepped closer to her brother.

Kyoya peered out the window at this moment as he pinched the bridge of his nose, glasses in his other hand. _Why do I put up with this?_ He thought to himself. _This fascination with commeners is quite vexing at times._ He sighed but stopped as he peered through the window to see the new twins for the first time.

Dark eyes narrowed as he noticed the female half of the twins had her arm around her brother's neck and shoulders, and was rubbing her free hand quite roughly over his disheveled hair. _Oh sweet Lord_, he thought in dawning horror, _she's another Fuyumi!_

If there had been an official Otori Danger Meter in existence right there and then, it would have risen to the point where "Abandon all who enter here" had been tacked on to the top at the breaking point.

Watching them fool around and enjoy each other's company, despite ribbing, Kyouya studied them thoughtfully. It seemed Hikaru and Kaoru did have a reason to fear them; in a world where sibling rivalry was natural, seeing even a glimpse of such fondness and love would be enough to attract even he, the coldest of the rich.

Keiko looked up suddenly, having felt a pair of cold eyes on her from above. One of her brows rose gently as she looked to the handsome dark haired male in the window as he bestowed his glasses back on to his face.

"Kaien...we have a viewer." She said casually. "Should we make faces and see how he reacts?" She asks, smiling sweetly.

"Hmmm, for a nosey rich bastard like him, why not?" Kian agreed, sharing a conspiratorial grin with her.

From above, Kyouya nearly reeled back in shock when they began to make obscene gestures and other nefarious gestures with their hands and bodies at him.

_JUST LIKE THOSE DAMN HITACHINS!_ He roared inwardly, shuddering in fear; one set of Hitachins was one thing, but TWO?

It was official; the world had been turned on its axis.

His father was going to join a Hippie enclave in the Americas, his brothers were going to star in musicals, and Fuyumi was going to become a serious-minded businesswoman.

Moreover, he? He had a headache.

Keiko laughed as she saw the boy reel back at their sudden outbreak, a few of the walking by students gawking as well. Kaien merely grinned at them and the girls swooned.

"Oh he's so cool and carefree!" one had squealed in delight as Keiko kept her eyes locked with Kyoya. Something about him just had her and she could not pin it.

_I feel like I'm not gonna like seeing him again..._

It was official; Kismet had struck once again, and the lines had been drawn in the sand.

It was go time.

Kaien looked up as well and nudged Keiko.

"Why do you keep staring at him? You like him or something?"

"No...I have a bad gut feeling about him is all." She mumbles, holding her long hair back as a strong wind blew past them. She grinned at him though, confident with a 'bring it pretty boy' look on her face.

It would be brought, all right; especially if another set of mischievous twins had anything to say baout it...


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER:THIS STORY IS HEREBY DECLARED A "FANFICTION." AS SUCH, WE TWO AUTHORS HAVE NO RIGHTS TO OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB OR THE SEVERAL MEDIA REFERENCES MADE FORTHWITH, AND INSTEAD STATE THEY ARE COPYRIGHT BISCO HATORI, FUNIMATION, AND ALL OTHER SUBSIDIES RESPECTFULLY.

Authors Notes:

"_And now we have a chapter three! Whoot! Thanks for all your patients people. It really means a lot to us! Right Kaya-chan?"_

"_You betchya Hisako-chyan!" *grins brightly at the fans*_

"_Hope you enjoy this new installment!"_

Until next time!

(BREAK)

Chapter Three

Close Encounters with the Third Kind (of Hosts)

Smiling and waving goodbye to some of his new Kendo friends, Kaien sighed and used his white towel to wipe some of the sweat off his brow. Humming as he moved to the locker area to grab his change of clothes before heading over to the showers, he jumped when he caught the two figures crouched on the flat surface above the row of skinny lockers. "The hell?" he twitched when the identical faces of those weird Hitachiin brothers jumped down and grinned at him.

"So," the one on his left began, Kian, is it? You don't mind if we call you that do you?"

"Because we just wanted to apologize for the other day," the one on his right spoke apologetically, the seeming face of innocence.

"For making fun of your actions with your twin; after all, you can't help but be subpar to us Hitachiins!" they concluded smugly. Kaien was about to take the apology as he wiped the back of his neck with his towel, not recalling what they had done in detail honestly since he did not really care for them all that much. He stopped at the last part though and his eyes narrowed.

"Come again?" He asked; his body poised and still, as if waiting to spring on them at any second.

"You heard us." Hikaru smirked.

"We're better than you and your rag-tag sister." Kaoru added as he leaned on his twin's shoulder.

_Rag-tag sister-oh hell no, they are asking for a beat down!_ He growled lowly but did nothing. "That's not an apology then." He stated flatly.

"Of course it is!" Kaoru protested, affecting a wounded look. "As we said, you can't help being inferior to us," Hikaru added with a growing smirk.

"An apology doesn't have a backhand appended to it." Kaien snapped a little as he grabbed his things, changed from the kendo uniform and currently pulling on his blue blazer. "And what do you to keep going on about this dumb lower than you thing? We don't even talk to you." He reminded them.

"Oh, we know that. You're too ashamed to face the real deal." Kaoru scoffed lightly. "It's completely understandable."

"Real deal for what-you know what, forget it. I have class to get to." He sighed as he shook his head at them. He motioned to move around them but both stopped him from exiting by blocking his paths. "What do you guys want from me?" he groaned as he rubbed the bridge of his nose by his eyes.

"If you think you're such hot stuff," Kaoru purred, "then prove it," Hikaru finished, brandishing a flier at him. "What's that American term? 'Be there, or be square?'" Kaoru snickered as he and his brother turned and walked away. Kaien took the flyer from them and looked it over with a raised brow.

_What even? This is just stupid!_ He thought, about to crumple up the sheet of paper but he stopped and looked over the prizes a bit. _No way, they're giving away those games? In a school like __**this**__?_ He gaped a bit and looked to where the twins left. He was about to toss the flyer regardless but stopped at the mini note from the twins that stated he would be consider a chicken if he backed out and this hit his pride a bit. _Bring it on!_ He shoved the note sloppily in his bag and headed to his class. He stopped at the sign-up sheet that had various names on it and quickly brandished his pen and etched his name into the sheet in bold black ink. What stopped him though was the need of a partner's name. Girls swooned around him as her thought of a possible cohort and without a second thought; he scrawled the name of his twin.

"Did you hear, did you hear?" A girl giggled to her friend excitedly after he had vanished down the hall.

"No, what?" She tittered back.

"How could you not have heard? It is only the biggest news in the halls!" She teased lightly. Her friend crossed her arms in a huff, their shadows dancing cross the wall like puppets.

"Just tell me!"

"Well, the Kian twins are going up against the Hitachiin twins in the try-outs! A duel to see which twin reins supreme they say!"

"No way, this is big news indeed! What shall come, what shall come?" She giggled and their shadows disappeared as they walked away.

Stomping down the hall with renewed confidence, Kaien didn't watch where he was going, and didn't notice Haruhi until they were on the floor, his lanky form straddling her waist.

"Ah, sorry Haruhi," he said, a small blush decorating his cheeks before he scrambled off her.

"Oh, no problem, Haruhi replied, her own pale visage flushing. Scratching the back of his head, Kaien searched for a way to break the awkward tension, before remembering the circumstances those evil twins had gotten him into.

"Oi, what's the deal with those Hitachiin assholes?" he demanded, picking up their fallen bags and slinging both over his shoulders.

"Oi, you don't have to do that," Haruhi chided, trying to take it back, only to fail in her attempt. As the two chatted and walked toward the school gates, an errant head of perfectly coiffed blond hair gasped dramatically and leapt into the bushes, glaring in disbelief and anger as his poor daughter was-was, **seduced** by that cretin male commoner!

"So, it won't be that hard?" Kaien asked dolefully as Haruhi explained the contest to him.

"Nah," Haruhi lied convincingly, "they're just rich bastards; it's what they do. As for the twins, well...there're circumstances that make them...let's just say it's their way of getting to know you," she sighed, kicking a rock ahead of her.

"So..." he trailed off, looking out into the distance, "does that mean...you..." Tamaki frowned when he couldn't hear them that well; but from what he'd just caught the boy saying and his reaction...WAS HE ASKING HIS DAUGHTER OUT!

"You...really have those kinds of video games?" Kaien asked in a hushed voice, reverent and awed. Laughing at her friend's reaction Haruhi pat his back gently and nudged him with her elbow.

"Yeah; Kyouya knows all the manufacturer's kids, and was able to get deals. The money they earn from advertising will go to a benefit that makes them all look good, the bastards." Meanwhile in the bushes, Tamaki had fainted from Haruhi's reaction, leaving the rest of Kaien's words unheard as his inner mind theater paraded images of Haruhi's wedding to Kaien and their many children around in his head.

"Noice!" He grinned, his free fist clenched tightly as happiness and determination gleamed in his eyes. "I'm so gonna win this!" Haruhi laughed at this outwardly but she felt a bit guilty on the inside.

_Maybe the Host Club will wind up helping them in some way? That usually happens…but then again, this is a scheme centered on the twins._ She thought as her eye twitched. She heaved a heavy sigh and hung he head lightly but it perked up as soon as it dropped. "Hmm?"

"I told you, it's quite alright!" Keiko laughed lightly as she took her bag from the eager girl who had picked it up for her when it was dropped to help her from falling. She managed to free it and take the girl's bag as reciprocation of the deed. The girls gushed and swooned at her charming ways. She drops the girl off at her class before looking up to see her twin and Haruhi. She smiled and waved to the two, motioning them to wait for her. She said her farewells to the girls and headed up to the duo, boys shocked by her female version of the boy's uniform still, not that they were complaining.

"Hey guys, what's up?" She asked.

"Hey Kei," Kaien snickered lightly and ruffled her hair a bit. She scowled and fixed it though. Haruhi laughed at this exchange, shaking her head lightly.

"Oh, nothing much," Kaien said casually, slinging an arm around her shoulders, "So, um, sis, hypothetically speaking, if I entered our names into a contest that could win us-"

"Oh hell no," Keiko interrupted him, throwing his arm off and spinning around to meet his eyes with her own determined gaze. "Please, for the love of all that is Yugi Moto's leather pants; please tell me, you did NOT sign us up for that travesty of a contest."

"But-but-KINGDOM HEARTS!" he pleaded with her; hands gesturing almost as wildly as Tamaki's, Haruhi mused as she watched Keiko lash out at him.

"-And you, Haruhi, I would've thought better of you, encouraging this! You work with 'em, so get us off the list, yeah?"

"Eh heh…yeah see," she started, scratching her head a bit as a sweat drop fell down the back of her head. "You think that's how it works, but in actuality, I can barely talk any sense into them. The logical one is even more gung-ho about all of this," she explained. Keiko felt her eye twitch at this news and she glared at her brother and grabbed his tie.

"Those games better be there or you're in a hell of a lot of trouble." She hissed, her eyes gleaming with danger. He nervously laughed and motioned to Haruhi, who also seemed afraid of this other side of Keiko.

"Sh-she promised." He assured and Haruhi nodded her head.

"Ahh, but you're saying this is all if common sense manages to get through to your logic man," Keiko retorted. "Who is the most logical of this Horror Club anyway?" Around her, several girls gasped and feinted into the arms of nearby friends when they heard her mangle their beloved club's name.

"The Host Club," Haruhi corrected. "And his name is Otori Kyouya. He is a second year, just above us."

"Is he free now?" Keiko asked, but the bell rang and she sighed. "He has the same lunch as us?" She confirmed, and Haruhi nodded her head. "If you can, let him know I'd like to speak about dropping out of this little horror show-games aside," she said firmly. "We just entered the school and I have a job outside-there is no way I could hold up both and juggle a possible play if we do make it!"

"Oh, it isn't a play!" Haruhi said, a light going on in her head as she tried to get out of her predicament. "It's actually a, er, talent show of sorts. It probably came off as a play because of how dramatic and enticing the club likes to introduce things," she nodded, warming up to her stance on the idea.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: THIS STORY IS HEREBY DECLARED A "FANFICTION." AS SUCH, WE TWO AUTHORS HAVE NO RIGHTS TO OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB OR THE SEVERAL MEDIA REFERENCES MADE FORTHWITH, AND INSTEAD STATE THEY ARE COPYRIGHT BISCO HATORI, FUNIMATION, AND ALL OTHER SUBSIDIES RESPECTFULLY.

Authors Notes:

Hisako: "_FINALLY! CHAPTER FOUR! WHOOO! I'm so pumped!" *grins like a child hopped up on sugar*_

_Kaya: __"I know!" *grins brightly at the fans*" _

Both: _"Hope you enjoy this new installment! Sorry that it's so late!"_

Until next time!

(BREAK)

**Chapter Four**

**And So The Twins Meet Kyoya, Who Meets His Match!**

Kyoya was sipping his carefully prepared miso soup from the daily special—Heian Set C—when he first felt the prickling of a stern gaze targeted toward his and his companions' table, more specifically, the nape of his neck. Glancing out the corner of his eye, his eyebrows went up in surprise when he saw a frantically gesturing Haruhi attempting to ward off an irate looking young woman while another student, a male, traded worried looks with Haruhi as the irate female student raised a hand in finality and proceeded to approach him.

"Ootori-sempai," she stated informally, going against what Haruhi would have called his "rich bastard sensibilities", "I want a word with you about your thrice-damned tournament, if you please."

_Ah_, he thought with minor disdain,_ this must be the female aspect of the newly arrived twins that Hikaru and Kaoru were so dead set on defeating._

_How quaint_, he thought to himself.

_What a stuck up prick_, Keiko thought at first glance. He was too well groomed and proper; honestly, what was wrong with these richie rich boys? Did they have no sense of individuality? Were they all so stark and sterile?

"My short sighted brother signed himself and I up for some show or contest, whatever it is your club is hosting for whatever reason. You're a smart, strapping, and nice looking young fellow," she complimented, swallowing any gag reflex that threatened to surface.

In her eyes, he was just another hotshot pretty boy in this rich filled school of nonsense aside from academia.

"And I'm sure you can tell he had rushed signed without thinking or consulting so I would hope you would be so kind as to strike our names from the roster. It would be so very helpful of you." Keiko smiled softly at him, some girls in the background tittering excitedly while watching the two converse.

As Keiko's translucent Persian blue eyes studied Kyoya's own onyx gaze sitting behind frameless glasses, she mused how something about him rang familiar in her head and she had no idea what it was. She was certain she had not bumped into him in the halls or anything. Why was he so familiar to her though? The idea hit her like a chucked brick to the back of her head—he was the guy her brother and her were making faces at this morning!

_I only hope he doesn't recognize me_, she thought as dread filled her with the idea of him possibly shooting her down because of this. Like a game of duck hunt, she was the duck and he the shooter. The moment she would be sighted and recognized, her goose would be cooked.

In Kyoya's mind, miniature versions of Hikaru and Kaoru were dressed as Lewis Carroll's Cheshire cat, and were connecting two cables together as he recognized her. "Ah, yes, the Kaien twins," he said pleasantly, causing a nearby heiress to swoon and emit spontaneous Flames of Moe. For a second, Keiko could swear violet colored roses were surrounding his handsome face like a perverse halo.

"I regret to inform you that all applicants for this contest are legally bound by contract once they sign up for the event to participate in all its activities. I apologize for this inconvenience, but I'm afraid you're caught."

"I'm…sorry…but let me get this straight. You're telling me that there is fine print in a high school competition? A competitor should be allowed to drop freely of his or her own will. I've never heard of such stupidity before in my life! You can't just force someone to compete if they don't wish to! That's inhuman!" She scoffed a bit, a fiery side bubbling in her as she tried to keep it as contained as possible.

_This smarmy little dolled up snot rag really thinks he can just make us compete! What kind of person does that! He's the logical one of the group? What are the others like then? This is utterly ridiculous on almost every logical level possible!_ She ranted in her mind a bit as she tried to calm herself.

"Maybe we can negotiate?"

"Ah, but this is Ouran Academy, Kaien-san. As the successors to prominent businesses, many of which are international syndicates, it is necessary that we practice our skills. For example, there are several students who hail from prominent lawyer legacies; as such, fine print is second nature in all our competitions at Ouran Academy. If you need further clarification to the specifications of this agreement, please see Hani-sempai and Mori-sempai for copies of our contracts."

Her eyes widened a bit as Kyoya whispered in her ear like that. Her heart skipped a beat, never having been so close to a handsome person, let alone one as handsome as these boys have been coming. Peering around Kyoya's shoulder, Keiko blanched when she saw the fierce, solemn looking "Mori-sempai." if the situation had not been so dire, she would have blushed how her own Flames of Moe were rising to the surface. Really, it was criminal for someone to be so good-looking!

Her mind flashed a scene of her out on a small cute date out at the beach at night with fireworks firing as they watched and played around. However, the man switched between Kyoya and Mori a few times.

Keiko mentally shook her head furiously, and as she tilted her head to the side, fury consumed her as she saw a glorified smirk appear on Kyoya's face. Suddenly, the overwhelming urge to crush him consumed her very being.

"Are you insinuating I'm the type of person to buy someone's time so callously and objectify a human in such a way? You've got another thing coming." She said coolly, her inner fan girl crying as the prince side came shinning forth.

Kyoya's smirk faltered a bit as he looked at her, his cold and calculating glare set as he fixed his glasses when they slipped down his perfect nose from his need to lean down to her ear level a bit.

"Objectify? Surely you don't mind the company of a friendly escort? After all, it's what the Host Club does: we provide companionship and friendship to our clients, some of which includes indulging in fantasy. I'm sure it's difficult to imagine due to your...circumstances...but surely you cannot begrudge a few lonely girls some diversion from their monotonous lives?"

Keiko gaped at him. "While that may seem logical to you, do you truly claim to be their friends? A real friend is calm and supportive, yes, but how well do you know them beyond those stupid profiles I see you compile and edit day in and day out? You claim to be delivering companionship and friendship, but all I see is fantasy. You're crippling them for the real world, Ootori-san; how will they survive without the aid of fantasy perpetuated by high school students?"

One of his perfect brows raised into the air at her words. It was an absurd notion in his opinion. These girls here would be pampered for life in the laps of luxury and raised to be the civilized upper class of society like it was intended since their births. It then registered in his mind like a quick blip of lightening. She, Keiko Kian, was a commoner and not just any commoner it seemed. She was a valiant commoner that led a life of morals and ethics of a time long passed.

"You don't get this world you've entered at all." He said bluntly enough. "The female student population sans you and Fujioka Haruhi are all destined for a life that is only of your wildest dreams. They will have servants to fawn over them and a husband of exemplary status to provide for them along with the inheritance they gain from their own families. They are not like your kind."

"_Of your kind"—oh you did not—what the hell do you mean by "my kind!" I'm not some rare animal that everyone sees once in a blue moon! Commoner means that I'm common and you're the anomaly! _She raved in her head as she kept her composure the best she could but some irritation could be seen in her expression.

"Ootori-senpai, regardless of status-people is people. They all have feelings and if a girl so happens to think that one of you are the man destined to bring her this reality, it will be a sad day when the truth comes crashing down on her like a hammer," Her tone was curt as she spoke to him, her body stiff with tension as she tried to keep her cool but his view was something that irritated her.

"And you don't think these girls know what they're getting into? They may be protected by the upper echelons of society's standards, but don't think them naive, Kaien-san. They can read the dictionary or surf the Internet. They know, and they welcome the reprieve from those self same social standards. In fact, they crave it; such is humanity, that they crave what they deny themselves."

From across the room, Haruhi and Tamaki traded worried looks as the icy aura that surrounded Kyoya and Keiko gained a more sinister air. "Sempai, I think we should intervene. This is not like Kyoya's traditional attitude. She has him positively riled up, I'd wager."

"So, what, you're saying is that they deserve what they get from you? That if they choose to believe your purposely perpetuated lies, they're worthless because of their longing for physical and emotional connections?"

"Well, yes," Kyoya agreed with Keiko, a little surprised it had taken her this long to reach that conclusion, as if it ought to have been common knowledge.

Tamaki frowned at the two teens across the room. "You may be right, Haruhi-chan, but I think it should be fine. Look at his posture—he's practicing his breathing exercises like his sensei taught him to in order to calm down. Surely that will restrain him—" his dialogue was interrupted by the sound of a loud slap. All eyes in the cafeteria widened as Kaien Keiko's palm fell, a red imprint on Ootori Kyoya's pale face.


End file.
